100 Lifehacks for Talking to Strangers - How to Sound Confident and Get What You Want
Meeting people can be tough. If you’re new to a city, job, or neighborhood it can be daunting to establish fresh relationships.
As most people age, their number of close friends tends to shrink. It doesn’t have to be this way. With these 100 easy tricks you can be the most popular person in town.
You have the power to meet as many new friends, lovers, or business partners as you want.
Let’s get started.
1. Ultimate Recognition
Everyone craves recognition. If someone does something you approve of, tell them so. Be the first person to do this.
It’s not as effective if you’re the 54th person to drop a comment saying “Wow that was great.”
The first compliment has the most effect. So make sure you’re standing up and applauding before everyone else.
Make them feel special, and they’ll grant you favors.
2. Forget “Hello” and Use This Trick Instead
Practice meeting strangers by walking around parks and malls. Instead of nodding and saying “Hello,” try this:
Use a phrase which references something about the stranger. “Cool shoes,” or “Nice dog.”
It’s easier to follow those up with questions like, “Where did you get them?” or “What breed is it?” Hopefully this leads to an interesting conversation.
3. Owning Your Mistakes
Nobody is perfect. It’s acceptable to make mistakes, as long as you follow this simple rule:
If you make a mistake, then whoever suffers as a result of this mistake, must come out ahead.
This means not only do you need to rectify the situation, but you need to throw a cherry on top as well.
If you spill some wine at a party, then pay for the dry cleaning, and also send flowers or a gift basket.
4. Agreeing to Agree
Most strangers aren’t interested what others have to say. They’re just waiting for the other person to stop talking so they can say what’s on their mind.
If you want to gain favor with someone, then try to mirror what they’re telling you.
Everybody likes to be right. So agree with whatever they’re saying, even if you might not believe it. It costs you nothing, and gains you everything.
5. Listen More Talk Less
People love to hear themselves talk. So let them. You can encourage people to keep speaking by remaining silent. Even letting the conversation lapse into uncomfortable silence.
They’ll be eager to fill the void with something interesting, and so they might start telling you gossip, or even secrets.
Don’t interrupt anyone when they’re on a rant. Just keep nodding and agreeing.
6. Handling Chance Encounters
Don’t talk business when running into someone at the mall, or anywhere else for that matter. They’re probably on an errand, and now is not the time to bring up anything where they might need to make a decision. If you push them, then they’ll just say no.
Use a chance encounter as an opportunity to say hello, and remind them that you’re an interesting and important person.
You have somewhere to be. Just like them.
7. Relaxing at Dinner
Unless your meal has been specifically classified as a “working lunch” then avoid bring up any business during a meal.
Meals are an opportunity to quiz people about their interests, hobbies, and the activities they do to relax.
Nobody likes being pressured into making decisions on an empty or a full stomach. Let them digest and talk some business after eating. The more wine the better.
8. Treating Strangers Like Friends
An easy way to build rapport with someone you just met is to assume you’ve known them for a long time.
Imagine you’re in an elevator. You wouldn’t turn to the person next to you and introduce yourself. That would be weird.
Instead, strike up a conversation like, “I can’t believe how slow these elevators are. It’s crazy, right?”
And continue the continue the conversation from there. “My friend Amanda was moving the other day and got stuck in an elevator for six hours. Total disaster.”
Maybe they’ll end know even knowing Amanda. Then you have common grounds to continue the conversation. But if they mutter something short and look at you like you’ve grown a third arm, then stop talking.
9. Late to Arrive, First to Leave
If you want to project an aura of importance, then you should never be the first to arrive at a social gathering. Arriving early says you have nothing better to do with your time.
Arriving a bit late says you were doing something important, which had to be taken care of before you could relax in a social setting.
Use this trick for parties, but not movies. Never arrive late to an event which must begin at a specific time. That’s disrespectful.
10. Jump Around at Parties
Never monopolize anyone for too long at a social gathering, especially not the host. Talk to them for a few minutes, and if you want to speak with them further, then ask to exchange contact information.
If you want to go on a date with someone, then ask for their Facebook or social media info. People are more likely to give this out than their phone number.
Get what you want from the conversation and move on.
11. The Art of Favors
You can put someone in your debt as easily as buying them some food or drink. They’ll “owe you one,” which you can cash in for something more valuable, like maybe an hour of their time.
Never try to cash in a favor too soon. Wait a few weeks, or better yet a few months. They’ll remember owing you something, but not sure why. This is the best method.
The jig is up if they can make the connection.
12. What’s in it For Me?
When setting a business meeting, always make sure the other party understands “what’s in it for me.” If you arrange an event without revealing that you would benefit from this event, then you will be regarded as a sleazeball.
Say someone is having a dinner party, and you recommend a bartender, if you don’t reveal that the bartender is your cousin, and the hosts eventually find out, then you’re gonna look bad.
13. Undo the Interruption
People are rude and will often interrupt others mid-sentence. If you want to make a stranger feel good, then make sure to steer the conversation back to their original idea.
Sometimes it’s not rudeness, but a random event, like a fire alarm. Make sure you get back on track by saying something like, “So, Dave, you were saying something about the bowling alley?”
Dave won’t go back there by himself.
14. Laughing at Accidents
If a stranger does something during a conversation that you might laugh at if they were your friend, instead just ignore it.
Never call out strangers on accidents, spills, or the improper use of grammar or vocabulary.
They must remember you as a positive person, and not someone who made them feel dumb.
Nobody likes to feel dumb, and they’ll just end up hating you. This is the opposite of what you want.
15. The Worst Body Language
Crossing your arms is negative body language and says you’re either bored or threatened. Avoid this as much as possible during conversation.
Keep your posture as straight and relaxed as possible. Make a lot of eye contact. Let them keep talking, and nod in agreement with everything they say.
The goal here is to make a new friend, someone which might be useful to you down the line.
16. Why You Must Take Notes
After you meet someone, make sure to write down extensive notes about the conversation into your phone, or on the back of their business card.
Names, hobbies, children, etc. Everything you can remember. The next time you meet with this person you can pull up the information and drop some of it into conversation.
“How’s your son’s hockey team doing this year?”
17. Faking Passion
Avoid pretending to know what you’re talking about. Say you’re talking to someone who likes hot sauce. They’ve tried hundreds of different brands, types of peppers, varying heat levels, etc.
You once put jalapenos on your nachos.
It’s not the same. It’s not even close. Don’t pretend to have a passion for something you don’t, because you’ll just look like a poser. Everybody hates posers.
18. Learning to Shake Hands
If you don’t wish to appear a weakling, then you need a firm grip.
A firm grip says you’re a person who can be depended on. If you were lost in the jungle then you’d find your way out. You’re a person of strength and charisma.
A weak handshake says you’re lacking confidence, or maybe you have something to hide.
Do forearm exercises to improve your handshake strength.
19. Assessing the Situation
When arriving at social events, don’t just jump into the fray. Spend a while observing the people and getting a handle on the atmosphere. Is this a formal group, or is everyone relaxed and looking to have a good time?
Your words and actions should blend into the crowd. You should be memorable, but not the topic of conversation for days to come.
20. Why you Must Eat Healthier at Parties
Everything you do in a social setting will subconsciously catalogued by others. So, make sure you’re on your best behavior. If you eat or drink like a pig, then that’s all people will remember.
Head for the veggie platter instead of the potato chips. You’ll come across as a smart and healthy person who makes good decisions.
Everything counts.
21. Grabbing the Guest List
Make sure you know who’s coming to the party. This way you can do extensive research beforehand. Learn everything you can about the important guests, their careers, their spouses, etc.
Don’t bring up anything creepy in a conversation. Only refer to things that are public knowledge. If you know a famous author will be in attendance then make sure to check out some of their books.
People like that.
22. Phone Calls During Meetings
Never take a phone call during a meeting, or when speaking with strangers, unless it’s an emergency. You’ll make them feel unimportant, especially if it’s a friend who’s calling. Let it go to voicemail.
However, if the stranger gets a phone call, then you should insist they answer it. This will make you seem gracious and understanding.
And super friendly.
23. Dealing with Secretaries
Often it’ll take some conversation magic to get past the gatekeeper and into the office of whoever you’re trying to meet with.
Here’s what you do. Instead of asking “Is Mr. Smith available?” you should insinuate that you’re already friends.
Say things like, “Hi this is Eric Wade, is he available?” By using “he” instead of “Mr. Smith” you sound like an old friend. Secretaries always let those in.
24. When Leaving Voicemail
You must assume others are leaving messages as well. Your stranger might have 30 voicemails. So you need to stand out.
Never leave a basic message like, “Hi this is Mr. Watts, can you please return my call?”
You need to leave message that stands out, sounds important, and puts pressure on your stranger to return the call immediately.
Give them a cutoff time. “Please return my call before 6PM.”
25. Using Your Own Voicemail to Appear Interesting
Your voicemail message might be the first interaction you have with a stranger, so it’s important to nail it.
Make sure to change your message frequently, daily if possible. You can include a quick note or joke about the current news or politics but keep it light.
Nobody likes to feel judged by a voicemail!
26. Never Phrase a Question Like This
It’s human nature to react on instinct, and when it comes to questions, our instinct usually has us saying, “No.”
So you must try to avoid phrasing any question in a way that can be dismissed with a simple no. Instead of asking someone if they’re available to meet on Thursday, ask them if they would prefer Thursday or Friday.
“Do you prefer rap or country?”
27. Handling a Stranger’s Spouse
This also applies to secretaries, business partners, or even the guy who delivers lunch. If they talk to your stranger every day, then for the purposes of conversation they count as a spouse.
ALWAYS BE NICE TO THE SPOUSE.
These people have immense influence. If you treat them poorly then they’ll say. “Wow that Ethan Bowman is a real jerk, I can’t believe you’re doing business with him.”
28. Why You Must Limit Your Availability
Never be available 24/7, or people will start to abuse you. They’ll call at all hours and be upset if you don’t take their call.
Things that are plentiful are common and usually worthless. The same goes for you. To appear more valuable, you must limit your exposure to various social circles.
Take a break from your friends. Do something different. They’ll miss you. When you return you’ll be a hero.
29. Closing the Phone Gap
Talking on the phone can often seem cold and distant. Here’s an easy trick to make a phone call seem like a warm conversation between friends.
Use their name. Drop it into places you wouldn’t otherwise. End a sentence with it.
Studies show that when you hear your own name it triggers a happiness section in your brain.
People love hearing their own name, so go for it!
30. Moving and Talking
When speaking on the phone, or in person with a stranger, avoid just standing there. Try and get them involved in a simply activity, even if it’s just getting another drink from the bar.
If you just stand there staring at each other then it’ll soon get awkward. If that happens then you need to escape ASAP.
You can interject activity stuff into a boring conversation. Like, “Those shrimp look pretty good, oh hey I hear you’re big into fishing.”
31. Getting People to Pick a Restaurant
Trying to figure out somewhere to eat with strangers can be tricky. They don’t want to choose something you don’t like, and vice versa. Skip the awkward back-and-forth by asking them, “Where would you want to eat if it was your birthday?”
This way you’ll get a real answer, and they’ll choose a place they’ll enjoy. So now your meeting will go well, and they’ll owe you a favor.
32. Handling Compliments
Sometimes a stranger will attempt to disarm you or get the edge on you with compliments. Try not to let this happen by quickly returning the compliment, or by telling them they’re very kind.
On the flip side, compliments can be used to put someone in your debt. Obviously not a big debt, but if you make them feel great about their body, they might be willing to help you move some furniture next time you need help.
33. Miniature Praise Bombs
You can make someone like you by dropping miniature praise bombs on them every chance you get. If they do anything above average, drop a “Well done,” on them.
Anything from not messing up the coffee order to winning five bucks on a lottery ticket.
If it’s tiny and even remotely praiseworthy, you say “Well done,” or “Good job.” Positive reinforcement works wonders.
34. Praising Things They Didn’t Do
If you can’t think of a compliment to woo your stranger onto your side, then consider complimenting something they purchased.
“I really like that color on your car.”
“This house seems pretty well constructed.”
It’ll accomplish the same goal, which is to make the stranger like you. The more they like you, the easier is to be friends.
35. Why You Must Never Deliver Bad News
Unfortunately, despite the old adage of “Don’t shoot the messenger,” they end up getting shot anyway. Figuratively speaking. So never bring up bad news in a conversation with strangers. They will associate this bad news with you and when they think of you it will be tethered to negativity.
On the flip side, try to deliver as much good news as possible. Everyone loves good news.
36. Stealth Compliments
It can be tough to compliment someone without sounding like you’re licking their boots, or just sucking up.
One way to get around this is to relay the compliment through one of their friends. Or better yet, if you can arrange it so that you stranger overhears you complimenting them while you in a conversation with someone else, they’ll believe you to be genuine.
Then they’ll love you.
37. Remember When
When meeting someone for the second time, make sure to bring up the good/funny/interesting things that happened during your first meeting.
Your stranger will briefly relive the excitement of meeting you, and the positive feelings from your first encounter will apply to the second as well.
Presto. You’re not strangers anymore. You’re old friends.
38. The Power of “We” and “Us”
Cheat past the first levels of friendship with someone by skipping from “Dave and I are going to Pizza Place,” to “We’re going to Pizza Place.”
“We,” “Us,” and “Our,” infer levels of familiarity that appear in good friendships or romantic relationship.
If you’re lucky, then your stranger will start using them as well. Don’t stop them!
39. How to not Sound Like an Idiot
If your sentences are littered with “ummms” then you’re not going to sound particularly intelligent.
One way to fix this is to slow down your speech. Pauses between sentences are fine. Just look at politicians like Barack Obama or Ronald Reagan, both excellent orators. Copy their speech patterns and mannerisms.
Talking slower is better saying “ummmm” every two seconds.
40. Catering to Interests
When meeting strangers, try to find out what their interests and hobbies are beforehand. This isn’t so you can discuss the hobby, you’re there to discuss business.
The idea is that you can litter your conversation with tiny references to their hobbies.
Like if they’re super into hot sauce, you can refer to things as “spicy” or “fiery” or “hotter than a habanero.” Make sure you know what you’re talking about.
41. Mastering Regional Dialect
Where we grow up influences which nouns/verbs we use. Some call it “pop,” others say “soda.”
It’s not a cottage, it’s a cabin. Are you wearing sneakers or running shoes?
We’re all speaking the same language, and each of prefers to hear our own regional dialect. So make sure to use whichever nouns, verbs, and adjectives your stranger is using. It will make them feel comfortable.
42. The Movement Mimic
Each person has their own resting and conversation style. Some are laid back and still, while others are jerking around the room waving their hands and using props.
It’s a fundamental law of society that humans are more comfortable with people who are similar to they are.
So the more you can act like your stranger, the more they’ll like you, and listen closer to what you have to say.
43. Business and Pricing Research
Never meet a stranger to discuss buying something without having done your homework. Your stranger might be dishonest.
So in order to handle them, you need to be prepared. Research as much as you can about second-hand market for cars before buying one. Watch all the YouTube videos from used-car buyers. Know what to look for.
Don’t trust strangers who are selling things. It might be snake oil.
44. Travelling Abroad
While travelling the world, make sure to bring a bunch of tiny gifts from your home country. These can be cheap, less than a dollar, (like flag pins) but as long as they’re from another country, your stranger will assign a lot more value to them.
Once you given a valuable gift to a stranger then they’re more open to become your friend, and now they possibly owe you a favor.
Everyone loves free stuff.
45. There’s a Magazine for That
Welcome to a world where there’s a magazine or blog for everything from cottage living to desk plants.
If any number of people share an interest in something, you can bet someone is blogging or writing articles about it.
So if you want to make friends with your stranger, then find their interests, and read the right stuff.
It’s not pandering, it’s research! And research is tax deductible ;)
46. The Hot Topic
Every industry or profession has a current hot topic. This can be news, buzz, or upcoming legislation. It’s easy to find. Just head to Google and type the name of the industry into the news section.
You might dig up something interesting stuff. Then you can ask your stranger what they think about the hot topic. They’ll be impressed you’ve heard about it, and will love sharing their opinion.
47. Insider Words
Following the theme of the hot topic, every profession has their own vocabulary filled with unique and specific words.
So if your stranger is in shipping, then you should find out the different names of all the boats that carry cargo. Then you can casually drop the word “panamax” or “drydock” into conversation.
It’s easier to make a friend when you can speak their language.
48. Hone Your Skills at Random Meet-ups
Most cities have local online message boards where newcomers organize weekly meet-ups. They’re mostly for people just moved to the city and are looking to meet friends, but anyone can attend.
If you find it difficult to talk with strangers, then consider going to one of these random meet-ups. Practice introducing yourself, and using the other tricks in this book.
Practice never hurts!
49. Empty Thank Yous
Never leave a thank you hanging. It has less effect and doesn’t seem as genuine. It’s much better to attach a runner to your thank you. Like this:
“Thanks for coming out tonight.”
“Thank you for being so understanding.”
“Thanks for being such a great customer/boss.”
With a runner, your stranger is more likely to remember you.
50. Focus on This, Not That
Have you ever been to a music concert where the band only plays their new songs instead of their old ones? It’s because they’ve gotten bored of playing the same old tunes all these years and want something different.
The same goes for accomplishments. When speak with strangers, make sure to focus on their most recent feats, instead of praising the old stuff. Otherwise they’ll get bored of you too.
51. Dealing with Rudeness
Sometimes a stranger will grill you on a topic, asking uncomfortable questions. It might be because they’re just a jerk, or maybe it’s an attempt to make you look bad, but all you need to do is stay calm. Answer the question. If they ask it again, then repeat your answer (identically) in a firm tone.
Never debate a rude or upset stranger. They’re just looking to fight.
52. Delivering News
There are two ways to deliver news, in a happy tone, or an unhappy tone. Never deliver news in a way that suits your own opinion. Always cater to the stranger.
You won’t make friends with a stranger of the other political faction if you cheerfully exclaim that their candidate lost.
Be respectful and express empathy with the stranger. Friends are more useful than enemies.
53. Assuming They’re Into You
Once you’ve been speaking with a stranger for couple minutes you should have pretty good idea on whether they’re into you or not.
Instead of asking for their contact information like, “Hey can I get your number?” simply slide your mobile phone toward them with the ADD CONTACT screen open, and let them type the information in there.
Be confident. You can do it.
53. Closet Skeletons
Are best left in the closet! Never bring up the past when dealing with strangers, or anybody else for that matter. People absolutely hate being reminded of not-so-great things that happened long ago.
Never bring up old news in conversation unless it’s to remind the group of something amazing one of your friends once did. Lavish praise, but never make someone feel bad.
54. Some Jokes are Great
If they’re simple and easy to laugh at. There’s nothing worse than telling a stranger a joke they don’t get because they aren’t that smart. If you make a stranger feel dumb they’ll hate you forever.
Also, never a tell a joke at a stranger’s expense. Even simple teasing about a funny-looking piece of clothing, or their choice of food or drink can sink you.
You get one chance to make a first impression. So do it right.
55. Speaking Your Mind
Strangers don’t have time to learn your idiosyncrasies or local euphemisms. So don’t beat around the bush.
Don’t sugar coat it.
When dealing with strangers it’s best to speak plainly. Speak the truth and say what’s on your mind. If you’re not interested in something, then say so. Don’t leave it up to them to figure it out.
56. Leveraging Greatness
When meeting with strangers who focus on a particular field, spend some time researching famous quotes by remarkable people in that particular field.
Then when you’re talking to finance or investor types, you can drop a line like, “Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked.”
Which is from famous investor Warren Buffet.
57. Cliché Correspondence
When communicating with strangers using the written word, try to avoid using any clichés because you’ll sound like an ordinary and boring person.
Nobody wants to hire, date, or do business with a boring person.
Surely you can come up with a more interesting way to describe the current heat wave than, “It’s hotter than hell.”
58. Save Your Smiles
If you’re at a social gathering there’s likely a ton of people you’ve never met before. Not everyone is worth your time, your emotions, or your biggest smile.
If you act excited to meet everyone, then the excitement loses value. Pick your strangers carefully.
Who are you most interested in meeting? Give them the widest smile.
59. Expanding on Shared Interests
When meeting a stranger and discovering through chit-chat that you both share a similar interest, don’t just leave it at, “Oh you like fishing? Me too!”
If you don’t expand on your fishing experience you’ll just sound like someone who agrees with everybody in order to fit in. Talk about your last outing, or tell a funny story about when you went fishing as kid. Then ask the stranger about their experiences.
60. Small is Better than Big…
…when it comes to vocabulary anyway. Everyone knows how smart you are, you don’t need to go around rubbing their faces in it.
Language is about communication, and the larger the words you use the more people you’ll annoy. This book is about making friends.
It’s hard to develop friendships if you’re always stopping to explain what the heck you said.
61. Building a Conversation Resumé
When applying for jobs, everyone writes down all the interesting and relevant things about themselves onto a piece of paper and gives it to their prospective employer.
But when applying for friendships (meeting strangers) they draw a blank.
Develop a friendship/stranger resumé about yourself. Write down all the great things about yourself, and chat about those!
62. Never Ask This Question
Everyone is guilty of this. It just rolls off the tongue.
“So, what do you do?”
Drop that from your conversations. It’s boring. It’s lame. It can kill an entire conversation. People who ask this generally just want to brag about what they do.
A person’s job does not define them. Ask them about their hobbies instead. Ask them what they’re passionate about.
63. Being in the Know
Before you head out to a social event with strangers, make sure you’re up to date on the latest headlines.
Otherwise when conversations about the news pop up, you’ll be standing there like a deer in the headlights.
Focus on the real news, and not entertainment or celebrity gossip. Chatting about that stuff with strangers makes you appear shallow.
64. Forget the Failures
Nobody needs to know you just got dumped. Or your latest business venture was a flop. Forget this stuff. It’s in the past. Focus on the future. Talk about the things you’re interested in accomplishing, or looking to get started with.
Nobody can undo the past, but strangers can help you with the future. They might have tips or advice for getting started in something new.
Talk about goals, not failures.
65. Second Meeting Same Story
The first time you meet a stranger they might tell a great story/joke. If it’s interesting, and entertaining, make a note of it.
Next time you’re in a social gathering, ask they tell it again. They might be shy to repeat it in your presence because you’ve already heard it, but you should insist.
They’ll like you even more because you just made them look good in front of the group.
66. How to Keep a Conversation from Derailing
It can be tough to keep a conversation going if you’re not totally versed into what your stranger is talking about.
An easy method is to just repeat a few things they said, but change the words or vocabulary around so it’s not identical. Most people just want to hear themselves speak anyway. So let them.
Say a few similar sentences, and then pass the ball back.
67. The Danger of Being Loveable
When trying to establish friendships or relationships, it can be dangerous to be too interesting. You want to the spotlight to be occasionally shining on you. Not shining 24/7,
If you find yourself being the constant center of attention, then try to deflect this onto a stranger you’re interested in meeting.
Be likeable, but not a celebrity.
68. Search for Passion Clues
Most people usually spend their weekends/time off doing the similar, if not identical activities. So in order to dig out their passions (the things people love to talk about the most) ask them what they did last weekend, or where they went on their last vacation.
You can flush out their passions by asking simple questions like this.
“Any fun plans coming up?”
69. All Passions are Interesting
Never disregard, insult, tease, or make fun of a stranger’s passion. These are the activities dearest to their heart.
Most people can stand a bit of teasing about their jobs, since many people actually dislike what they do but they’ll absolutely hate you if you mock their passion.
Mocking someone’s passion is basically saying, “You’re a boring person and you make bad choices.”
70. Avoid This at All Costs
Never try and cram news, or a controversial hot topic into a conversation. If someone doesn’t latch on immediately to your conversation starter, then this is a giant warning flag.
People hate talking about things they know nothing about, or things they aren’t interested in.
If you don’t sense any excitement around your topic, then move on to something different.
71. Avoid Talking Politics
For multiple reasons. Any random room full of people will be generally split down the middle. Left versus right. So right off the bat if you express strong political views, you’re alienating 50% of the politics crowd.
Furthermore, many people are not interested in politics. They don’t follow the news, elections, or even turn up to vote.
You’ll never make friends with these people by talking politics.
72. Have a Fun Answer to This
Inevitably someone is going to ask you where you’re from. Never drop a simple one-word answer like “Chicago.” This kills the conversation. Sure, it wasn’t a great question, but you gotta roll with it.
Talk about the specific area you grew up in, the locals, the tourist traps, the restaurants. Pitch it like you’re trying to sell them a vacation package. The more interesting your home is, the more interesting you are.
73. Eavesdrop Like a Pro
Did you mother ever tell you that eavesdropping is rude? Well it is. But only in the context of being nosy or spying on people.
If you’re trying to meet strangers, then eavesdropping is fine. You’re not trying to steal their secrets you’re just trying to figure out their interests so maybe you can participate in the conversation.
Open like this: “I couldn’t help but hearing you guys talking about baseball. I used to be an umpire!”
74. The Buddy Assist
This is the easiest way to meet someone. All you need is a friend or acquaintance who is familiar with your stranger.
Then you simply ask them to make an introduction. But before meeting the stranger, ask your friend for some details about them. Marital status, hobbies, etc.
Don’t go in blind or you’ll trip and fall in the dark.
75. Important Note on Clothing
The way you dress when you want to meet people is different than the way you dress in other situations.
If you’re just looking ordinary then nobody will approach you. But if you’re wearing an interesting piece of jewelry, or a risky/stylish outfit, then you’re providing strangers with an opening to come up and say, “Hey, those are neat shoes, where did you get them?”
Then you chat. Make friends.
76. Actions Speak Loudest
Most people are worried about their first few words with strangers, but they’re mostly irrelevant. Imagine meeting someone in a forest who didn’t speak your language. If he popped out snarling with his arms raised, you’d be scared, right?
But if he was all smiles and open arms, you’d feel safe. So when meeting people, treat them as friends. Smile, nod, and be friendly. What you say first isn’t super important.
77. Ignore this Type
Anyone who looks bored out of their minds is not somebody you want to strike up a conversation with. They’re in another world. Maybe it’s their job, debt, or relationship problems.
It doesn’t matter. This person is not happy to be here. They’re not looking to meet people, and more than anything they just want to go home. So let them. Focus on people who look happy.
78. Envision it Going Well
Before strolling up and introducing yourself, picture in your head that everything goes well. You walk up, greet them as friends, introduce yourself, ask some fun and interesting questions, and see how happy they are to meet you. You chat a bit, exchange contact information, then you move on.
If you can see it in your head, then you can repeat it in real life.
It’s not impossible. You’re a great person. You’ll do fine.
79. Are They Picking up What You’re Putting Down?
Don’t just ramble on for 10 minutes about a certain topic. Pause after each tidbit and give your stranger a chance to speak. If they’re not asking questions, or participating in your topic, then you should move on to something different.
You need to look for queues that show interest. Did their eyes light up? Did they spin to face toward you? Are they participating or just listening?
80. Ignore Your Body
It’s human nature to want to scratch an itch, or rub your eyes, or massage out a tight muscle, but now is not the time. You’re here for meeting people, and you need to try and look like a normal person.
So if you’ve got allergies and are blowing your nose every two minutes, then consider staying home instead of going out. Otherwise you’ll be known as “that person who kept blowing their nose.”
81. Greeting as Friends
When we meet our friends, or see people we recognize at the mall, we greet them differently than strangers. Most people will raise their eyes, eyebrows, and tilt their neck up in a form of upward nod.
You can do this with strangers. It will convey the idea that you’re a friendly person who deserves their attention, and not some dangerous animal they just met in the forest.
Act the friend to become the friend.
82. Changing the Subject
It’s perfectly fine at a social gathering to walk up to two people having a conversation and just listen. It’s not a private talk between two people. It’s party. Barging in on people is allowed, expected even. It’s called mingling.
But whatever you do, don’t change the subject. Or worse, change it to something boring the others can’t contribute to. If you can’t contribute to the original talk, then find some new people.
83. Is it Really That Nice?
When being introduced to someone you’re vaguely familiar with, don’t open with a boring line like, “Nice to meet you.”
It comes across as a useless platitude. It’s insincere. Fake. And that’s what the stranger will remember about you.
Instead why not try, “I’ve heard a lot of great things about you.”
Everyone likes to hear that other people have been speaking well of them.
84. Keep Your Eye on the Prize
When in a group of strangers, there’s likely one person you’re more interested in meeting than the others.
Keep your eye on this person. Even when others are speaking. Watch their body language. See how they react to what’s being said.
This way you’ll know to talk about later when you get some one-on-one time with them.
85. The Powerful Smile Pause
When meeting someone for the first time, you must make sure to smile. Smiling is a way of showing you’re friendly, and happy to be there.
The most effective smile is one with a short pause after it. Try it out. Smile, pause for a beat, nod, and then say, “Hey.”
This technique works wonders, and more people will believe you’re genuinely super-pleased to meet them.
86. Why It’s Great if You Don’t Belong
People who look like they belong at a social gathering aren’t interesting. They’re plentiful. They’re everywhere.
They’re boring.
If you want to attract the attention of strangers then you need to stand out. Standing out allows people to approach you and open, “So what’s with the [thing that makes you stand out.]”
Never settle for an ordinary life.
87. Tapping into Fear
While it might sound like a deeply personal question, asking someone, “What are you afraid of?” is a great conversation starter. If you can relate to their fears then all the better. Both of you can chat about how terrifying spiders and how you’re doing your best to avoid them.
People who say they aren’t afraid of anything are either shy or lying.
Everyone is afraid of something.
88. Practice with This Type
Not getting invited to enough parties? Can’t find anyone to practice your conversation skills on?
No problem. There’s an easy solution. Just head outside and look for people. When you find someone, ask them for directions to something nearby.
Do this over and over again. Try and throw in a little chit chat. Smile. Talk about the weather. Anything. Just get as much face time with strangers as you can.
89. Handling Liars
Studies show most people lie an average of 12 times a week. This is normal. Society wouldn’t function without white lies.
But whatever you do, never call someone on their distortions or deceptions. They will take an immediate dislike to you.
If you must call someone out on a lie, then make sure to do it in private. If done in public, they will be embarrassed, and will become an enemy.
90. Learning to Dance
Have you ever been on a dance floor, looked around you, and saw someone pulling a dance move you thought was neat, so you copied it?
People do this all the time, and it doesn’t have to stop with dancing. If you’re uncomfortable approaching strangers, then head to a bar and observe others meeting new people. Learn from them.
Copy their opening lines, facial expressions, etc.
91. How to use the Environment to Meet People
You’re at a party. On the wall is a painting of a bunch cats playing poker. Boom. There’s your opener. You can approach anyone with, “What do you think of the cat painting?”
There’s always something interesting that you can talk about. Does the host have a Keurig coffee machine? Ask people how they feel about that. The garbage it generates versus the convenience and flavor options.
92. Making Yourself Valuable
Strangers are always looking to meet new and interesting people, especially if these people can add value to their life.
The more you bring to a relationship, the more likely you are to build one.
What makes you valuable? Money? Power? Fame? Connections? Do you have a sweet cottage you could take your stranger fishing at? List everything.
93. How to Meet via e-Mail
Say you’ve attended an event with a speaker. You’re keen on meeting this person, but the opportunity doesn’t arise the day of.
Don’t worry, all is not lost. You can always send a post-event email. Wait a day or so and then fire off a quick note saying how much you enjoyed their talk, and finish by offering to buy them coffee/lunch sometime next week.
Everyone loves a free lunch.
94. Unlocking Host Powers
You’re at a large house party and you see someone flirting from group to group, shaking hands, meeting everyone, handing out drinks, and business cards.
He makes it look so easy. And for him it is, because it’s his party. He’s the host.
But he isn’t doing anything special or unique. He’s just being friendly and making sure people have a good time. You can act like this. Pretend you’re the host.
95. Forcing Yourself to Mingle
Sometimes at a large event it can feel safe and comfortable to establish a home base area. A place or table you’ll stick around the entire night. This is a huge mistake. You’ll never meet new people by sitting there in one spot all night.
Put your phone on vibrate and set an alarm for every 30 minutes. When it goes off, force yourself to change areas. Head somewhere new and reset the alarm. Change spots and meet new people.
96. Worst Thing You Can Do
The worst thing you can do when out meeting people is to be constantly checking your phone. It makes others feel uncomfortable, boring, and awkward.
If it’s an emergency, then by all means take the call, but excuse yourself first. Just be sitting there texting with your significant other every two minutes while someone is trying to have a conversation with you. It’s extremely rude.
97. The 30 Second Celebrity Rule
You step into an elevator. Inside is your favorite unmarried celebrity. They give you 30 seconds to pitch yourself. If you succeed, then they’ll marry you.
How would you sell yourself? What do you bring to the table? What makes you interesting?
That’s the pitch you should be hitting strangers with. Everyone wants to know what makes you tick, and why should they spend any of their precious time on you.
98. The Power of Photos
Most people enjoy having their photo taken, especially people who are dressed to impress. Treat your stranger like a celebrity. Ask to take a selfie with them.
It’ll make them feel important. And it’s fun. You smile, and both of you look sort of goofy.
Then the photo goes up on social media and serves as a reminder to both of you about how you met.
99. Help is on the Way
There’s no easier way to meet people than to offer them help. This can be as simple as holding a door, or helping the host set up before an event.
Volunteer your services as often as you can. You’ll have something in common with the other volunteers. Instant conversation.
Plus, if you help the host then they kind of owe you one. Cash it in by asking them to introduce you to the person you most want to meet.
100. Help is Required
The flip side of offering help is asking for help. This is also an effective method of meeting people. When you ask a stranger for help you’re basically saying, “You seem like a competent and trustworthy person.”
People like that.
Obviously you shouldn’t ask strangers to help you move your house. But you can ask them to watch your drink or bags for a minute while you run to the bathroom.
Let’s go!
Are you pumped? You should be. You’ve got 100 easy tricks floating around in your short-term memory. You don’t have to use them all. Pick your favorites or devote yourself to a set number.
“I’m going to a party tonight and will try to use 39 and 72.”
This article was specifically written in a brief manner so you can study it before any major event.
Re-read it on the bus or in the car on the way to a party. Good luck and thanks for reading. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter.
