18 Foods That Won’t Go Bad for Years
Some food just lasts longer than others. This is useful knowledge for several reasons. If there’s ever a zombie apocalypse won’t have to leave the house to buy groceries. But more realistically, if these foods go on sale you can stock up without worrying they’ll go bad.
1. Honey
Honey is one of the only foods that actually lasts forever. Archaeologists dug up a clay pot of honey from ancient Rome that was thousands of years old. It was still good.
The expiration date on your jar of honey doesn’t mean it’s going bad. That’s just the date the honey will begin to crystalize. Once crystalized it’s almost pure sugar and contains close to zero moisture, making it hard for bacteria to grow.
If your honey has crystalized, then you’ll need to resurrect it. To do this, apply heat. Put your jar in a pot of water. Set to medium heat. Stir the honey as it dissolves. You could also use the microwave. 30 seconds on medium-high, then stir. Repeat until gooeyness level is acceptable.
Hello, World!
2. Rice
While the healthiest type of rice is generally thought to be basmati (it has more vitamins and minerals), any type of rice will last for years, possibly forever.
Left alone in a bag/jar, most rice will be fine for around five years. This is probably enough time for you to eat it. If not, ask yourself: “Am I hoarder, and is my chosen vessel rice?”
If you do want to keep your rice for up to three decades, you’ll need sealed containers and oxygen absorbing packets. (Those things you find in bags of beef jerky.)
When rice is placed in a sealed container with an oxygen absorber, it will last up to 30 years. Which is pretty great. If you’re eating 31-year-old basmati because the stores are still closed, then stale rice is probably not your biggest problem.
It’s the mutants.
3. Vanilla Extract
While not exactly the first thing that pops into your mind when you think of food, vanilla extract, when stored in a cool dry place, will last forever. And like a bottle of wine, the taste can even improve with age. (Make sure to keep the lid tightly closed.)
Okay, so it lasts forever. So what? What can you do with it?
1. Deodorize. Vanilla extract has a great smell. You can put it in a stinky place (like the fridge or your kid’s closet) and it’ll freshen up the place.
2. Make your own perfume. Post-zombie apocalypse, the competition for suitable mates will be fierce. Ensure success by tricking them into thinking you’re clean with perfume and cologne.
3. Don’t like the smell of paint? No kidding. Only psychos like the smell of paint. Mix some vanilla extract into your paint can beforehand and this will reduce the gross toxic smell.
4. Fight off the muggers. Mix vanilla extract with crushed habaneros, water, and dump it in a spray bottle. Boom, you’ve got pepper spray that smells fantastic.
5. Bug repellent. Mix two tablespoons of vanilla extract into two cups of water. Stir for 60 seconds. Presto. Now you can go on a jungle adventure without the risk dengue fever. (Maybe.)
6. Cook with it. And not just baked goods. Vanilla extract is great for cocktails, B-52s, and smoothies. It’s also found in dishes at fancy restaurants where it’s impossible to get a reservation unless you’re Tom Cruise, Lady Gaga, or the Director-General of the World Health Organization.
4. Hard Tack (aka Ship’s Biscuit)
This was a staple for sailors and soldiers for hundreds of years. Hard tack is a biscuit made from flour, salt, and water. While flour is good for less than 12 months, hard tack can last for years.
Here’s the recipe:
4.5 cups of flour
2 cups of water
3 teaspoons of salt
Mix it all together until it’s an ugly dry-ish dough ball. Then roll it into a ½ inch thick sheet. Cut into 3x3 inch squares. Poke holes on both sides with a fork. Make lots of holes. Pretend you’re perforating your ex.
Then you bake them for 60 minutes at 375 °F. Flip your squares halfway through.
Congratulations. You just made dry, bland, generally forgettable biscuits. But hey, they last a long time.
Warning: They will dry out to the texture and hardness of a brick. To eat them, you’ll need to dunk your biscuits in water or tea.
So, why would you make this? Well, maybe your flour is going bad. Maybe you’re going hiking, camping, or carrying your canoe across the country. Hard tack is high in calories, and light in weight. Dip it in water and then dunk it in peanut butter and this should give you enough energy to escape from zombies, wolves, or tax collectors.
5. Salt
Salt is a rock. Before it was dug out of the ground it was chilling for millions of years. The idea that a box of salt has a “best before” date is ludicrous. Unless maybe it says: “Best before Armageddon, Ragnarök, or the Heat Death of the Universe.” That would be accurate.
So don’t throw your salt out because you think it went bad. It didn’t go bad. There might be too much humidity in the air and your saltshakers don’t work anymore, but you can fix that. Mix some white rice into your saltshakers. The rice will absorb the humidity. Proceed to having a great day.
6. Coffee
Everyone has their own thoughts on what makes the best cup of coffee, but we won’t get into that. Obviously, the answer is freshly-roasted beans, a burr grinder, and a French press. But that’s not important.
What’s important is not running out of coffee. So, how can we make it last forever? Easy. You freeze it. Ground coffee will last 1-2 years, whole beans will last 2-3 years, and instant coffee will last more than 10 years. (Not that you should ever drink instant coffee unless you’ve been ordered to at gunpoint.)
Coffee often goes on sale at the grocery store. Whole beans are usually cheaper because they require more work. Which is win-win for you if you’ve got a grinder. Blade grinders are better than nothing, but a burr grinder is ideal. If all you have is a blade grinder, make sure to shake it a few times while grinding to even it out.
7. Powdered Milk
Most packages of powdered milk have a best before date of about 2 years. But according to the United States Department of Agriculture the shelf life is probably much longer. It might last indefinitely. It’s hard to say because recruiting people to drink 20-year-old milk is a bit of a tough sell. But let’s just say it lasts a long time. Especially if it’s non-fat. If there’s fat in the powdered milk it won’t last as long because fat goes rancid.
Regardless of the fat content, you’ll want to store it somewhere as cool as possible. Like a basement, or a cold cellar.
An easy way to tell if powdered milk has gone bad is if it starts to smell or changes color. It’s like eating snow, stick to white and stay away from yellow.
Powdered milk is great for baking, mixing into oatmeal, or for giving to people who don’t drink black coffee.
It’s got protein, calcium, potassium, and is sometimes enhanced with extra vitamin D. Basically all the benefits of regular milk minus the fat.
8. Canned Goods
The rock star of the “last forever” food world. You can get almost anything in a can. Fish, meat, fruit, vegetables, soup, broths, stocks, milk, coconut milk, and more. The list is practically endless. And all of it lasts a very long time. Usually much longer than what’s printed on the can.
It really depends on how much acid is in the can. Tomatoes and fruits have more acid, so they don’t last as long. 1 to 2 years tops.
Something like tuna will last around 5 years.
To make sure your canned goods last as long as possible, keep them in a cool dry place. Don’t let them get wet. If they do get wet, dry them out immediately. Rust and corrosion will ruin your food quicker than time spent in the pantry will.
Whatever you do, don’t eat anything from a can that’s bulging. This means there’s been a chemical reaction and gas has formed. Duck and cover.
9. Dehydrated Meat (aka Jerky)
While it looks like it might last forever, dehydrated meat only lasts a few weeks if you make it at home. The packages of beef jerky you buy at the store can last for up to a year because of all the nitrates they pump into it. Plus, there’s an oxygen absorbing packet.
Jerky is a great source of protein and minerals only found in meat, but it isn’t cheap, unless it goes on sale. The only trick available to getting jerky to last a long time is to freeze it.
Freezing jerky can extend the shelf life by up to a year. Since store-bought jerky already lasts a year, you get two whole years. Whereas freezing uncooked meat only extends the shelf life from 4 days to 4 months.
10. Dark Chocolate
It’s not just for Valentine’s Day anymore. Dark chocolate has antioxidants which provide numerous health benefits. It also has a mild anti-inflammatory effect. But the best part is how long it lasts.
A bar of properly stored dark chocolate can last 2 years. Throw it in the freezer and it’ll last 3 years.
It’s not the healthiest thing you can eat, but as far at desserts go it’s pretty great. Dark chocolate doesn’t affect blood sugar as much so you can safely feed it to children without the risk of them turning into human bouncy balls.
As far as an emergency dessert goes for unexpected guests, you could do a lot worse than dark chocolate. Frozen cookies only last 6 months.
11. Energy Bars
Not protein bars. Energy bars. You know. Those things made with nuts, granola, and honey.
Good news: They last basically forever. Protein bars are different. Protein bars go bad much quicker.
As they age, energy bars will lose their sweetness and texture. They get tough and leathery.
They’re basically old people. Just don’t put them in the freezer. They don’t last as long as you might think if you put them in the freezer. Like grandparents.
Why stock up on energy bars? They’re great for hiking, sports, etc. Energy bars are high in calories, but relatively light to carry around. Which is great for backpacking across the Appalachian trail. Dunk in peanut butter for even more fun.
12. Dried Beans
The millionaire cousin of canned beans. More efficient but slightly eccentric. After all, how often do you see someone whip out a bag of dried beans? Probably never. Most people either get their beans from a can or a burrito.
Dried beans can be stored for up to 30 years with only a slight loss in taste.
Beans are a great source of minerals like magnesium, iron, and zinc. They’re also loaded with protein. If a giant meteor wipes out half the life on Earth, you can bet the price of chickens is going up.
But you’ll still need protein. Probably even more than you used to eat. We’ve been knocked back to the stone age, people. There’s gonna be a lot of heavy lifting.
To rehydrate beans, drown them in 2 inches of cold water. Let sit 4 hours. They’re ready to cook once they’ve doubled in size.
Depending on the bean, this process could take as long as 24 hours. So maybe prepare them ahead of time if you’re throwing a burrito party and it’s important that everyone gets to eat.
13. Peanut Butter
“Hi, I’m loaded with fat and vitamin E and I last for five years.”
Okay not quite five years. But three years at least. That’s when the rancidification kicks in. Which is just a fancy word for “starts to taste gross.”
It’s still safe to eat, technically, according to food scientists for up to five years. It might just smell bad. But hey, if you’re starving, you’re not going to care. Peanut butter is good to stock up on because it’s high in calories, protein, and fiber. It also doesn’t take up much space.
Hikers pack a lot of peanut butter with them when they go on long trails. Like the Appalachian. This could take you months. You’ll blow through three pairs of shoes and buckets of peanut butter.
14. Vinegar
Vinegar is basically water and acetic acid. Stored in a cool dry place it will never go bad. Although vinegar itself has no calories, it does have other uses.
Cleaning: Mix one cup of vinegar with one cup of dish soap. Presto. You’ve just created a magical cleaning solution. Use this to clean all the doorknobs after sick people leave your house.
Vinegar can also be used to clean out your coffee pot. If you don’t clean out the coffee pot every so often then mold might grow.
To clean: Run a few cups of vinegar through your coffee pot like you’re making regular coffee. Then run it again. Rinse it out and run some water through it a few times. Presto. Clean coffee maker.
Sauces: Vinegar is a great base for many mustards, BBQ sauces, and hot sauces. In the event of a pandemic, werewolf apocalypse, or giant meteor, you’ll need to flavor all that rice you’ve been hoarding.
15. Hot Sauce
The main ingredient in most hot sauces is vinegar. Another one is salt. Bacteria can’t grow in this environment. A sealed bottle can last for decades. Opened bottles of hot sauce can last for years if refrigerated.
And while hot sauce doesn’t usually have many calories, it can still be useful as a flavor enhancer, or crowd control device. “Step back, you animals, or I’ll hose you with the Frank’s!”
16. Soy Sauce
Soy sauce has a ridiculously high salt content. So high you can still taste it in the 50% less salt versions. (Keep in the fridge.)
It might lose a bit of flavor, but it won't go bad. It’s great for marinades and turning bland rice into slightly less bland rice.
It also contains niacin, which is good for your heart. Which should offset the damage all that salt is doing.
17. Alcohol
They’ve done a lot of studies on alcohol and most scientists agree that booze is terrible for you. Aside from the happiness effect, alcohol has no redeeming nutritional ingredients. The daily recommended intake of alcohol is zero.
But it lasts forever and has other uses. So maybe you should stock up on hooch when it goes on sale.
Sanitizing: You can sanitize a wound, a scalpel, etc. Just pour some vodka on it. Bacteria doesn’t have a great time existing in an alcohol-based environment.
Pain relief: Did a zombie bite your friend’s foot? Is amputation the only way to save him? Good news: Alcohol is a great pain reliever. So get him drunk before you go all axe to ankle.
Trading: Let’s say there’s been a huge pandemic and most supply lines have been cut. Grocery stores are empty. Food banks are closed. But even worse, you’ve run out of toilet paper. Or whatever. There’s no way we can plan ahead and stock up on everything. But maybe your neighbor bought extra toilet paper. He’s a bit of an alcoholic and drastically underestimated how much booze he’d need to survive the great quarantine. Trade him! Liquor for toilet paper. For both of you it’ll be the greatest trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever.
18. Dried Pasta
This is a great food to stock up on when it goes on sale. You can get discounts of 80% if you look hard enough.
Dried pasta usually has a best before date of two years on it. But, it lasts much longer than that. At least 3-4 years.
Store it in an airtight container in a cool, dry place. Throw in some oxygen absorbing packets if you’ve got them. If you stocked up on cans of pasta sauce then you’ll be throwing Italian parties for months.
