250 Christmas Jokes for Kids
1. Why do dogs like Christmas? They get a lot of stocking ruffers.
2. What happened on the eleventh day of Christmas? There were ten lords a sleeping.
3. Who steals Christmas presents from bad kids and gives them to good kids? Ribbon Hood.
4. Why do elves write so much about sledding? They love toblogganing.
5. Why was the snowman scared of rabbits? His face was made of carrots.
6. What do you call someone who can only eat one plate at x-mas dinner? A Christmas rookie.
7. Why did Santa’s elf keep breaking his legs? He was Santa’s Brittle Helper.
8. What do elves say when they’re done filming a toy commercial? “That’s a wrap!”
9. What do elves use to clean their hands? Hand santatizer.
10. How do dogs spend their holidays? Having a Holly Collie Christmas.
11. Why did the reindeer visit the doctor? He had a cari-bou-bou.
12. What do mailmen wear to a holiday party? Ugly Christmas letters.
13. What does Santa sing to his helpers? Have Your Elf and Merry Little Christmas.
14. What sound do birds make on Christmas morning? Seasons tweetings.
15. What classical Christmas song is often overlooked? Jingle Bell Bach.
16. Where did the rude Jamaican bobsled team eat dinner when they went to the North Pole? They ate at Santa’s Jerkshop.
17. How does Santa play Guess-Who? He says, “Give me a mint.”
18. What do sports fans ask other people at Christmas? “Do You Cheer What I Cheer?”
19. What does Mrs. Claus say when Santa takes too much blanket? “Don’t be such an egg-hog.”
20. What do you call a great Christmas decorator? A Mistle-pro.
21. What sea creature can you find swimming below the ice at the North Pole? Jollyfish.
22. What’s the most popular beverage in the North Pole? Fanta-Claus.
23. Why did Mrs. Claus have to run back inside? She forgot her hat in the Santa clauset.
24. Why did the Three Wise Men escape from jail? They wanted to be Free Wise Men.
25. What did the rock star name his Christmas tree? Spruce Springsteen.
26. Where did Santa first dance with Mrs. Claus? At the Snowball.
27. What should you sing to your dog at Christmas? Bark, the Herald Angels Sing.
28. What do you call a half-man half-horse that delivers presents on December 25? Santaur Claus.
29. What do you call someone who does CrossFit on Christmas? The boast of Christmas past.
30. What do you call two best friends at Christmas? Sugar-chums.
31. What should you do if you light a fire in the fireplace on Christmas Eve? Tell Santa to take the back door instead of the chimney.
32. What do you call someone who keeps interrupting a Christmas movie? Santa Pause.
33. What does Santa contribute in his singing group? His whistle-toe.
34. How do you put a baby to sleep on Christmas morning? Napping paper.
35. What do you call a frog that’s shot out of a cannon? A missile-toad.
36. Which sport would Santa do in the Olympics? The 100-meter mint.
37. Why does Santa spend the off-season gardening? He always wants hoe-hoe-hoe.
38. What decoration do Russians put on top of their trees? A plastic czar.
39. What do lemons dream of on Christmas Eve? Sour-plum faeries.
40. What do Santa’s elves do at parties? Have wrap-battles.
41. How does Mrs. Claus ship her cookies? In a gingerbread van.
42. What do sheep say to each other during the holidays? “Season’s bleatings.”
43. What does King Arthur sing when he goes caroling? Holy Knight.
44. Why are elves such good swimmers? They’re always in the North Pool.
45. What is a Flat-Earther’s least favorite Christmas song? It’s the Most Wonderful Time of The Sphere.
46. What does Santa’s puppy drink on Christmas eve? Egg-dog.
47. Why were the bad kids given coal for Christmas? Santa wanted them to stocking-suffer.
48. What did Rudolph say to Vixen to express his love? I cariboot you.
49. How do you make pancakes the fastest on Christmas morning? Eight maids a butter-milking
50. How did the identical-looking sisters decorate their tree with? With twinsel
51. Why don’t sheep like Christmas? I don’t know, but you can tell they hate it because they’re always saying, “Baaaahhh humbug.”
52. What happens to the fireplace when Santa works up a sweat? It becomes a perspire place.
53. What do you call someone that goes crazy over Christmas? Santamental.
54. Why was the Christmas game so bad? It was eight charades of milking.
55. What do you call a hot-sauce flavored candy cane? A candy pain.
56. What did the Dark Jedi say to the Stormtrooper? “Merry Sithmas!”
57. What did the ghost give her horse for the ninth day of Christmas? Nine shades a-prancing.
58. What is the first thing elves learn at school? The elfabet.
59. How did the little girl find out she received a speaker for Christmas? She had a rocking stuffer.
60. How do you know Santa is looking for a career change? He sings, Santa Claus is Becoming a Clown.
61. How does Santa end his annual Christmas meeting? Seasons meetings adjourned.
62. Where does Jon Snow warm his hands at Christmas? The direplace.
63. Why did Santa call a plumber? He egg-clogged the candy-drain.
64. What do you call a squire that never talks? A silent knight.
65. How do you cook a stew during Christmas? With Wonderful Christmas Thyme.
66. What do the police do in the North Pole? Go Christmas patrolling.
67. How do birds take polls around Christmas time? Six geese surveying.
68. Why was Santa’s foot in a plaster cast? Someone stepped on his mistletoes.
69. Why was the sixth day of Christmas so much fun? There were six geese a playing.
70. Who do you call on the twelfth day of Christmas when your faucet leaks? Twelve plumbers plumbing.
71. How do you make fun of someone at Christmas? Do the Jingle Bell Mock.
72. What does Harry Potter cast during Christmas? Jingle Spells.
73. What does the Little Drummer Boy become when it isn’t Christmas time? A Little Summer Boy.
74. What did Santa reply when Mrs. Claus asked why he stopped practicing for his marathon? “I’m done with training, dear.”
75. What is the latest fashion store in the North Pole called? Christmas-apparels.
76. What is Santa’s favorite dance move? The break your leg-nog.
77. Which European country celebrates Christmas the most? North Poland.
78. What did the newly single elf get on the twelfth day of Christmas? Twelve newcomers running.
79. What happens in Santa’s workshop on the 10th day of Christmas? Ten lords a sweeping.
80. What did the prom queen get for Christmas? Four calling nerds.
81. Why couldn’t Rudolph stop looking in the mirror? He’s a vain deer.
82. What’s the most popular song in the Midwest? Have Yourself a Prairie Little Christmas.
83. What do cats say instead of “Happy holidays?” “Merry Christmouse.”
84. How does Santa sneak around houses? On his mistle tip-toes.
85. What did the chef say to the table salt? “Seasons greetings.”
86. What happens when Santa’s in a rush? Here Runs Santa Claus, Here Runs Santa Claus.
87. Which Christmas song would fit in Beauty and the Beast? Jingle Belle Rock
88. Where does Mrs. Claus like to vacation? Santa Cruz.
89. Why did Santa need an umbrella? He saw a pack of rain-deer.
90. How do lords stay calm on the tenth day of Christmas? They become Zen lords a leaping.
91. What did the knight tell his assistant when the fire was getting dim? “Throw another log on the squireplace.”
92. Why did Santa’s band reschedule their concert? Someone ate the turkey’s drumsticks.
93. Which specialty room does Santa use to make rocking horses? Santa’s woodworking shop.
94. How does Santa fly through a water park? Splashing to and fro.
95. What did Frosty say when the sun came out? “I need a new snow-plan.”
96. How does Santa tame a wild dog? With a mutt-cracker.
97. Why didn’t Santa’s kids get into college? They had candy-brains.
98. Why did Legolas sit on a bookcase? To become an Elf on the Shelf.
99. What happens when reindeer don’t get enough sleep? Crashing through the snow, with broke-and-busted sleigh.
100. Why did Frosty paint himself with highlighter? He wanted to glow, man.
101. How does Santa get through a bakery without eating everything? Dashing through the dough.
102. Why is Santa so fat? He ate too many Kris Pringles.
103. What did Frodo pull out of the fire on Christmas? Five molten rings.
104. What’s your dog’s favorite Christmas song? All I Want Fur Christmas is You.
105. What was the golden retriever diagnosed with after eating all the Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.
106. What’s the fastest way to make a Christmas scarf? Six geese crocheting.
107. What is Frosty’s favorite musical? The Greatest Snowman.
108. What’s the most popular Christmas song in beehives? Holey Night.
109. What is the name of the elevator in Santa’s workshop? The Christmas lift.
110. How do snowmen greet each other? “Yo-man, how’s it melting?”
111. What do musicians dream of the night before Christmas? Sugar-drums.
112. How does Frosty get around town? In his snow-van.
113. What’s it called when you stubs your toe on X-mas? Seasons weepings.
114. Where do dinosaurs leave their Christmas presents? Under the Treerannosaurus Rex.
115. Which Christmas song will make you want to eat honeycomb? What Christmas Means to Bees.
116. What do girls sing while applying make-up at Christmas? It’s the Most Wonderful Time for the Mirror.
117. What do you call an elf that doesn’t get Santa’s sled ready in time? A tobogcant.
118. What do robots drink when it’s cold outside? Bot chocolate.
119. What say if someone doesn’t like Christmas? Sounds like you’ve got a case of Claus-trophobia.
120. What do elves look for in a man? Silent Height.
121. What special fish can you see at the North Pole Sea World? Manta-Klaus.
122. How does Santa make cookies? With mistle-dough.
123. What did the golfer receive as a gift? A Christmas tee.
124. Why do ducks like Independence Day more than Christmas? They like to set off fire quackers.
125. What type of motorcycle did the elf ask for? A Holly Davidson.
126. Where do the funniest Christmas elves live? The North Droll.
127. What did Grandma put in her Christmas scarf to make it extra special? Five golden strings.
128. What did the airplane pilot say on Christmas Eve? “’T’was the Flight Before Christmas.”
129. Why did the snowman cross the road? The chicken stole his carrot.
130. Why do sharks visit the mall in December? To get their picture taken with Santa Jaws.
131. What did the New-Yorker say on the second day of Christmas? Shoo Turtle Doves.
132. How do you know that a reindeer was in your living room? Hoofprints on the ceiling!
133. How could you tell your is mad at Santa? Well, I Saw Mommy Dissing Santa Claus.
134. Who does Jesus visit when he needs a tailored suit? The three size men.
135. How do you know Frosty was on the naughty list? He has two eyes made from coal.
136. Who do Santa’s elves hire to break into the mainframe? Nut-hackers.
137. What does Santa order at Burger King? A Christmas Tree-Whopper.
138. What does Santa’s family eat at the beach? Sandy-canes.
139. What’s a track meet called during the holidays? A Sprinter Wonderland.
140. Who is made of wrapping paper and floats two feet off the ground? The ghost of Christmas presents.
141. How does Santa get around when Rudolph and the rest of them call in sick? He hops on the planedeer.
142. Why did the children sleep so well the night before Christmas? They slept in Heavenly Fleece.
143. Where do snowmen keep their life savings? In the snow bank.
144. What American state does Santa visit first? Idaho-ho-ho.
145. Why did Santa’s rookie card sell for $50,000? It was in mint condition.
146. How was Frosty looked at in the hospital? With a snow-scan.
147. What’s the first thing a bird does on Christmas morning? Unflap his presents.
148. What did the elves call Santa after he ate a bag of chips? Kris Pringle.
149. What did Peter Pan tell Tinkerbell during the holidays? Have Yourself a Fairy Little Christmas.
150. Why did Santa put sunglasses on the North Pole? Because he wanted it to be cool.
151. Why was the snowman arrested for fraud? He tried to sell some snowfakes.
152. Which animals win math contests in the North Pole? Brain-deer.
153. How does Mrs. Claus spend her holidays? Having a Holly Bali Christmas.
154. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A bowl of Snowflakes.
155. What does Santa say when his kids ask why they can’t eat candy? Be-claus I said so.
156. How do you get a lawyer for Santa? Santa’s clerk-shop.
157. What do pirates drink at Christmas? Peg-nog.
158. How can you tell Santa’s in a bad mood? He sings Santa Claus is Coming to Frown.
159. What do you call a paper snowflake? A snow-fake.
160. What did the grape say to the cherry at the holiday party? Berry Christmas!
161. What do Christmas elves sing to their plants? Let it Grow, Let it Grow, Let it Grow.
162. What does Mrs. Claus make for dinner during the Superbowl? A giant pot of chilly.
163. What do scientists do on Christmas Eve? They decorate the chemistree.
164. Which reindeer is destined to be a doctor? Rudolph, the Med-Nosed Reindeer.
165. Why did Frosty start getting paid for singing? He became a pro-man.
166. What do you call it when people clap for carolers? A santapplause.
167. Who cleaned the house cleaned after the tenth day of Christmas? Ten Lords Housekeeping.
168. What does Santa say when asked to go on a diet? Mistle-no.
169. Where do Santa’s kids like to study? Santa’s homework shop.
170. What do mice put in their living room during the holidays? A Christmas brie.
171. What does a reindeer do if its tail falls off? Find a retail store.
172. What song do couples play at Christmas when they break up? Single Bells.
173. Why don’t Santa’s little helpers use the treadmill? They prefer the elf-cycle.
174. What did Santa say at his college reunion? Hello, fellow sugar-alum.
175. What song do ghosts listen to at Christmas? Do You Fear What I Fear
176. What did the doctor give Frosty when he had a fever? A chill pill.
177. What do you call Rudolph when cheeks glow? Rouge-dolph.
178. Why won’t Santa’s plants stay alive? They won’t mistle-grow.
179. What is the best type of exercise in the North Pole? An egg-jog.
180. What do you call a reindeer with bad manners? Rudeolph.
181. What song do birds listen to at Christmas? Jingle Bell Squawk.
182. What do you call a pile of fire logs at Christmas time? A Splinter Wonderland.
183. Where do elves work when it isn’t Christmas? Santa’s firework shop.
184. What did Mrs. Claus say when Santa told her to eat a vegetable? I only eat grain, dear.
185. How did Mrs. Claus react when Santa fell getting in the sleigh? What a great snow-fall.
186. How can you tell when Rudolph has been reading a lot of books? His nose glows read.
187. How do you greet people when its extra cold on Christmas Day? Freezons Greetings.
188. What does Santa eat on the fifth day of Christmas? Five golden wings.
189. Where does Santa get beer from? The keg-nog.
190. What do you get Jesus on the sixth day of Christmas? Six geese a praying.
191. What do Santa’s elves call the worker that takes a lot of breaks? A nut-slacker.
192. How do volleyball players spend their holidays? Having a Volley Jolly Christmas.
193. Why is Santa bored with karate? He got his black belt a long time ago.
194. How do elves find jobs after Christmas? Santa’s network shop.
195. What did Jesus give to his friends on the first day of Christmas? A partridge in a prayer tree.
196. What do caribou drink when they go to the pub? Reinbeer.
197. How does Santa’s sleigh get around the world so fast? He has a Comet.
198. What did the dog say to cat when they ran into each other at the vet? “Merry Christmas? More like Furry Christmas!”
199. What did the man say after wrapping the fourth day of Christmas present? Poor calling birds.
200. What’s Scrooge’s favorite Christmas song? Sweeeeeeet Caroling. Bah, bah, bah.
201. Why did the elves get kicked out of the summer Olympics? They tried to winterize them.
202. What’s the best song to listen to while eating chips? The Pringle Bell Rock.
203. How do elves learn to smile? Santa’s smirk-shop.
204. What does Santa call his sled when he’s fighting dragons? Santa’s Slay.
205. What is an Olympic racer’s favorite holiday song? Fast Christmas.
206. Why did Marty McFly want an extra-large box for Christmas? He wanted to live in the present.
207. How do Santa’s elves find missing presents? With a nut-tracker.
208. What is Marvel’s favorite Christmas hero? Quicksilver Bells.
209. Why did Santa stop shaving his beard? He was getting too many Saint nicks.
210. How does Santa make his smoothie healthier? He adds eggplant-nog.
211. Why couldn’t the police get a warrant for Santa’s workshop? They couldn’t find probable Claus.
212. Why did the Three Wise Men leave their wives? They wanted to be Free Wise Men.
213. Why did Santa visit California? He wanted to buy some Hollywood.
214. What do you call an annoying Santa? Bother Christmas.
215. Why did the dentist freeze Santa’s mouth? To make it sugar-numb.
216. What do you call someone who runs a race in a Santa suit? Saint Quick.
217. What poltergeist gives the best gifts? The ghost of Christmas present.
218. What do geese listen to at Christmas time? Flockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.
219. Why did the elf get out of prison early? He got north parole.
220. Why did Santa’s little helper skip the class photo? His hair was frazzled so he had low elf-esteem.
221. How do you eat fish tacos during Christmas? With Wonderful Christmas Lime.
222. How do Santa’s elves take apart the sleigh? With a nuts and bolts-cracker.
223. What do elves yell at people who don’t believe in Santa? “Cariboooooooo.”
224. Why did Santa take all the bells off his sleigh? He was trying to win a Nobel prize.
225. What did Santa say when he was sick on Christmas Day? Sneezons Greetings.
226. What does every university student need during Christmas time? An ink cartridge in a pear tree.
227. What did the family say when they lost all their Christmas presents on Christmas eve? We’re Scrooged.
228. What is a dog’s favorite Christmas song? Dachshund Through the Snow.
229. What does Santa call his wife when she writes out their marriage contract? Mrs. Clause.
230. Where does Mrs. Claus keep her bouquet? In a Santa-vase.
231. How do hospitals wrap wounds in the North Pole? With Santa-gauze.
232. Why don’t turkeys eat dessert? They’re too stuffed from dinner.
233. What do you call a smart person that drinks a lot at Christmas? An eggnoghead.
234. What’s an NBA player’s favorite Christmas song? All I Want for Christmas is Shoes.
235. What do you call a hundred elves rushing for the exit? A santapede.
236. What do Santa’s kids call themselves when they help with grandma? Nanna’s Little Helpers.
237. What hangs from kids’ houses on the Nice List? N-icicles.
238. What Christmas song do fashionistas listen to? Hark, the Appareled Angels Sing.
239. Why don’t gingerbread men make their beds in the morning? Because they’re afraid of cookie sheets.
240. Why do Santa’s elves leave a lot of restaurant reviews? They’re Santa’s Little Yelpers.
241. How does Mrs. Claus greet her husband when she catches him not following his diet? “Seasons cheatings.”
242. Where does Santa show off his paintings? Santa’s artwork shop.
243. What do kids say when they receive a prank electric gum for Christmas? “This is a shocking stuffer.”
244. What did the captain say when the plane crashed on Christmas Eve? “Hold on for deer life!”
245. What’s a geologists favorite Christmas song? Jingle Bell Rock.
246. What do you call someone who goes for a long run on x-mas morning? A Christmas sweater.
247. Did you hear the terrible news about Mr. Peanut? He ran into the Nutcracker.
248. Why do you call a snowman on a baseball team? Frosty the Throwman.
249. What do you call a stocking filled with coal? A mocking stuffer.
250. Where does Rudolph go on vacation? To the reinforest.
