35 reasons to invest in Bitcoin or other cryptocurrencies

1. You’d rather shoot yourself in the appendix than listen to a quarterly earnings call.

2. Your investment in magic beans turned out to be a flop.

3. How could Bitcoin go down if they're not making any more of it?

4. Your friend said it was a good idea and they were right that one time about that hole-in-the-wall taco place so they're probably right about this.

5. You prefer watching your portfolio all night instead of sleeping.

6. Crypto gets stolen less than Honda CRVs.

7. You'd rather post rocket emojis than do research.

8. You saw a celebrity advertising crypto in a commercial and celebrities are smart otherwise they'd be poor.

9. You want to diversify your portfolio of beanie babies and tulip bulbs.

10. You can buy it at the corner store from trustworthy Bitcoin ATMs.

11. You can hide millions of dollars under your mattress which makes it easy to sleep but slightly paranoid when you leave the house.

12. Solution: Never leave the house.

13. Bitcoin trades 24/7 which means it’s superior to stocks because stocks don’t even work weekends.

14. Cold storage devices can be heavy enough to be used for self protection.

15. Your dog might eat a stack of fiat currency, but he's never gonna eat a thumb drive.

16. While it’s possible to download anything from a movie to a car, nobody can copy-paste your crypto.

17. You don’t understand the difference between a balance sheet and an income statement.

18. You think electric vehicles will create less utility than DongerCoin69.

19. Over time, crypto must go up in value because of reasons.

20. Despite having seized billions of dollars in cryptocurrency, the government can’t track or trace yo’ shit.

21. You carry an American Express card and get off on asking retailers if they accept weird forms of payment.

22. You like seeing your retirement fund jump between homelessness and Hawaii.

23. Crypto is based on advanced technology whereas ordinary money is based on the trading of shiny pebbles, goats, and apples.

24. Crypto is largely unregulated and you prefer it that way. Why should the government have a say in how fast you can drive your car? That’s ridiculous. What is this, Nazi Germany?

25. You need a kidney and the doctor you kidnapped isn’t being co-operative.

26. You’ve always wanted to live in a computer, and if you can’t at least your money will.

27. You like having something to talk about at parties that other people have heard of but don’t really understand, so you get to talk all night and chicks dig guys who talk all night. (Probably.)

28. Investing in meme stocks became a meme itself which meant it was no longer fun and interactive.

29. You’ve given up on beating the Wheel of Fortune slot machine at the casino.

30. A bank once charged you a bullshit $5 fee and since then you’ve wanted to burn down the entire industry.

31. You view yourself as a digital cowboy and the crypto sphere as the Wild Wild West.

32. You don’t like your investments being tied things like sales, profit, or medical breakthroughs.

33. Your broker wouldn’t let you trade stock options because they didn’t think you understood them.

34. You find the idea of a steady 10-15% return on your investment to be slightly revolting.

35. Your favorite shawarma place started accepted cryptocurrency as a payment option.

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