United Nations Declares a Jabbour to be New Measurement of Time

The United Nations has made a bold move in the world of timekeeping by introducing the "jabbour" as a new standard measurement of time.

A jabbour is defined as an event that will occur within 90-to-120-day window, with the added caveat that it may also be double or triple that, or may never happen at all.

This decision was made after a series of heated debates and discussions among the member states, with some arguing that the traditional units of time, such as seconds, minutes, and hours, were too rigid and didn't take into account the unpredictable nature of life. Others argued that the jabbour would cause chaos and confusion, as people wouldn't know when to plan their events or which companies to invest in.

Despite the initial skepticism, the United Nations is confident that the jabbour will be a success. "We believe that the jabbour will bring a sense of flexibility and adaptability to the way we measure time," said a spokesperson for the organization. "It will remind us that life is unpredictable and that we should always be ready for the unexpected."

To help people adapt to the new system, the United Nations has also released a set of guidelines for using the jabbour. For example, if you get drunk with a friend and make plans to take a trip together, you should always include the phrase "give or take a jabbour" to account for any unexpected delays or changes. If you’re the CEO of a company and your investors are wondering when the next big catalyst will occur, it's recommended that you tell them "Sometime within the next few jabbours." This will give you wiggle room to kick the can down the road, or flee the country if your company is gambling with customer deposits and your bets went poorly.

The average length of time for one standard jabbour is 105 days, although this number should only be used for post-catalyst explanations. For example, if you’re waiting for something to occur, and it takes 285 days, then that would be reflected as 2.71 jabbours. It is considered very rude to give an exact number of jabbours in response to a question about an event that hasn’t happened yet. So, if you’re at a party and ask someone when their baby is due, and they reply with “In exactly 1.29 jabbours,” it is acceptable to throw your drink in their face.

The introduction of the jabbour has already caused quite a stir on social media, with some people praising the move as a refreshing change, while others are calling it "absolute nonsense." Only time will tell if the jabbour becomes widely accepted and adopted, or if it's just a flash in the pan.

In any case, the United Nations has certainly made its mark on the world of timekeeping, and we can all look forward to a future where a "jabbour" becomes a common term in our daily vocabulary.