300 Advantages of Being Single

Being single is a lot of fun. Here are 300 advantages you have over your friends with a ball and chain.

1. You don’t have to listen to them snore beside you.

2. You won’t have to sleep beside someone who feels like they rose from Hell’s lava pool.

3. You don’t have any strings attached. You can make out with anyone at the bar you feel like.

4. You don’t have to text someone every day. Just focus on yourself and enjoy your friendships.

5. There’s no need to reassure someone you care about them. No paragraphs needed.

6. You don’t have to stress about them going out and cheating. They’re not your problem anymore.

7. You can take any job you want out of the country. You aren’t tied down to anything here.

8. You don’t have to defend them to your friends when they do something dumb. Like get so drunk on your birthday the bouncers need to carry them outside.

9. You can learn a new skill with the extra time you have. Pottery anyone?

10. You’ll know you can get through anything if you can get over them.

11. You’ll feel more human than ever in your sadness and fully understand the experience of life.

12. You’ll have more time to focus on school and getting good grades.

13. You’ll have more time to work.

14. You can go on dating apps and find cute people to talk to. It’s like online shopping but a lot more fun.

15. You’ll find intimacy in your friendships not just your relationship.

16. You can flirt with whoever you want throughout the day and not feel guilty.

17. You don’t have to text your significant other all night when you’re out, so they know you’re not cheating.

18. You can sprawl out in bed without another large body beside you.

19. You don’t have to erase your browser history if you’ve been creeping your ex.

20. You don’t have to buy expensive birthday presents for each other.

21. You can message your ex all you want as “friends” without them getting mad.

22. You don’t have to stress about them meeting your parents and getting their approval.

23. You won’t feel pressure to get married from your friends or parents if there’s no one to marry.

24. You can go out with your single friends without them hating you for leaving early.

25. You don’t have to get each other overly-priced Valentine’s Day gifts.

26. You don’t have to think about whether you’re going to break up, because it’s already happened.

27. You can feel the sweet relief of freedom after you realize you get to be alone.

28. You don’t have to do things you don’t feel like doing just because you’re in a relationship.

29. You don’t have to suck up to their parents and relatives at family gatherings.

30. You don’t have to pretend to like their annoying housemate.

31. You don’t have to decide on food to cook together. You can make what you want.

32. You don’t have to smell someone else’s morning breath. Just your own.

33. You can take back the shelf you gave them for their things.

Hello, World!

34. You can go out with your friends all night and not get pressured into dragging your SO along.

35. You get to know that even though you’re alone, you didn’t settle.

36. You can travel whenever and where  you want without having to consult anyone.

37. You can experiment with your sexuality without judgement from a partner.

38. You can get to know yourself. Meditate in peace and be calm.

39. You’re allowed to be selfish and can do whatever you like whenever you like.

40. You’ll be fitter. Single people tend to work out more.

41. You’re more likely to reach your goals if there isn’t a voice in your ear telling you to come to bed instead.

42. You’ll be less stressed as no relationship means less conflicts and arguments.

43. You won’t feel second-hand embarrassment if they do something stupid at a party.

44. You’ll feel happier at work. You won’t have to commit time to a relationship and will get more done.

45. You might be less lonely. People in relationships feel sad when their partner is away. Single people don’t.

46. You get to be happy with being alone, which is a great feeling to be in. You know you don’t need anyone.

47. You don’t have to pay for a wedding if you never get married. Woo.

48. You’ll never feel shame for eating too much and not fitting into clothes.

49. You don’t have to be polite and say hello when you get home. You can just flop on the couch.

50. You get to experience the joys of Tinder that many married people feel they missed out on.

51. You don’t have to share the hot water. Ever showered with a water hog? Case closed.

52. You don’t have to explain yourself and your choices. You’re the only person you must consult with.

53. You don’t have to worry about getting hurt. No one can break your heart if they don’t exist.

54. You don’t have to buy twice as much food to cook. You’ll save money.

55. You don’t have to keep everything shaved. Relax and shave at your leisure.

56. You can eat pizza for breakfast, and no one is there to judge you for it.

57. You can skip the gym and you won’t be chastised.

58. You basically avoid having a second parent who tells you what to do.

59. You can shop and spend your money without someone asking if you need another jacket.

60. You get more closet space for all the clothes you’re going to buy.

61. You can travel alone and go wherever you want without a second opinion.

62. You won’t fall into the toilet if they leave the toilet seat up. No more folding like a lawn chair.

63. You won’t have to see all the hair that’s not yours covering the pillowcases, floors, and bathroom.

64. You get to keep your last name with no guilt.

65. You get to keep your own disgusting habits like chewing your nails.

66. You get to be single on family vacations. Great for when you meet other single hot people.

67. You get to be single at weddings when everyone is in their feelings. And you can make out with other people. Weddings make humans horny. Everyone knows this.

68. You can stay more connected to your friend group and not have them judge you for becoming a couple hermit.

69. You get to stay more connected to your family and will have more time to talk to them.

70. You get to say no to people. You may feel bad saying no if your partner wants to hang out.

71. You don’t have to keep your room in tip top shape for when your partner comes over.

72. You don’t have to wash your sheets so often if it’s just you sleeping in them.

73.  You don’t have to help clean your partner’s party of 300 attendees.

74. You don’t have to enter a frat-like house when they invite you over to hang out.

75. You won’t have to clean their dishes after you make food together.

76. You get to pick all your own furniture without any outside opinion.

77. You can relate to other single people. No one wants to hear you’re happily married when they’re crying in a bathroom.

78. You don’t have to worry about the cake you bought getting eaten in the middle of the night.

79. You’ll feel less stressed because you won’t be arguing as much.

80. His exes won’t be creeping your social media every day. If you think they’re not, it’s through a burner account.

81. You don’t have to pretend to like his evil cat, or any other pets.

82. People won’t be judging your relationship based on the social media you post.

83. No one will get mad at you for sending memes to your exes.

84. You won’t get in trouble for having close friends of the opposite sex.

85. You can stay out until 5AM if you want to without someone waiting for you at home.

86. There’s no one judging your family, so you don’t have to explain their weird quirks.

87. If you don’t know who the father is, you don’t have to tell the father about pregnancy scares.

88. You don’t have to be on birth control if you don’t want to. Just use protection.

89. You don’t have to argue about which movie to watch. You get to choose without compromise.

90. You won’t have to go through the hell of divorce if you’re single. Or, at least you’ve gotten to the other side.

91. You’ll never have to sleep on the couch because of an argument.

92. You can be late to events without being told to rush getting ready.

93. You can watch porn without your partner getting jealous and wondering if they’re not enough.

94. You don’t have to deal with someone else’s mental health issues, which can be exhausting.

95. You won’t be made to feel guilty for posting provocative bikini pictures on social media.

96. You don’t need to worry about long distance stress.

97. You’ll spend less time on FaceTime while they’re away.

98. You get to be alone at the end of the day after being surrounded by coworkers all day.

99. You won’t have to leave parties to reassure them when they call.

100. You don’t have to force yourself to care about other people’s opinions.

101. You don’t have to listen to your friends tell you they don’t like your partner.

102. You don’t have to go on trips with them and their family. Excruciating.

103. You become a better friend as you can commit more time and energy to them.

104. You don’t turn into a googly-eyed person with no social skills when you’re in love.

105. You get to have one-night stands where you don’t have to cuddle afterwards.

106. You don’t have to actively pursue someone. The chase takes a lot of effort.

107. You don’t have to text someone first and wonder how long they’ll take to text back.

108. You get to feel those first date butterflies over and over.

109. Your anxiety will lessen because you won’t be worried about your partner texting back.

110. You can get a job where you travel a lot for work, such as the military.

111. You can sleep with multiple people at once on a roster without cheating.

112. You don’t have to look nice for anyone. You just have to look like you.

113. If you’re in school, you can go on exchange without missing someone.

114. If you’re going to school, you can experience college life without the burden of a partner.

115. You won’t have to choose between alone time and relationship time.

116. You won’t get in political arguments with someone you’re sleeping with.

117. You won’t feel pressured to go on vacations you don’t want to go on.

118. You won’t feel pressured to make major life decisions like buying a house.

119. You won’t feel like you must bring your significant other along to parties.

120. You won’t have to explain their absence to your friends if they can’t make parties.

121. You don’t have to explain every fight you have to your friends.

122. You won’t look like a fool if you go back together with the person who hurt you.

123. You don’t have to commit or have your partner complain about a lack of commitment.

124. You can eat an entire tub of ice cream without sharing a spoonful.

125. You get to laugh with your friends about how much of a jerk your ex was.

126. You won’t feel pressured to have a baby and stay at home to take care of it instead of chasing your dream.

127. You won’t feel pressure to have a baby and be taken out of the workforce for maternity leave.

128. Your friendships won’t break up with you (most of the time) so you can focus on those.

129. Friendships will feel more rewarding than romantic relationships.

130. You won’t feel societal pressure to commit to your partner forever.

131. You can’t get gaslighted if there isn’t someone to gaslight you.

132. You get to become more self-aware of your own problems and why you’re single.

133. You get to wait for the right person. You don’t have to let them pass by because you’re in a relationship.

134. You know you made the right decision to be single rather than stay in an unhappy relationship.

135. You don’t have to be accountable for the actions of someone else.

136. You don’t have to worry about them spending/losing all your money if you’re married.

137. You don’t have to hide gifts you bought them in weird places praying they aren’t found.

138. You don’t have to deal with crazy in-laws who judge you.

139. You only have to dress up to go to work, not for a significant other.

140. If you move homes, you’ll move significantly less stuff.

141. A one-bedroom apartment will feel bigger. No more shoebox living.

142. You don’t have to worry about forgetting anniversaries and birthdays.

143. You don’t have to shop for their family during the holidays.

144. If you’re a woman, you’ll have less emotional labour of sending thank you cards and well wishes.

145. You won’t have to pay for bouquets of flowers when you go out to dinner.

146. You can walk around naked whenever you want without worrying about judgment on those extra rolls.

147. You can leave dirty clothes on the floor for as long as you want.

148. You don’t have to deal with someone else’s insecurities when you already have your own.

149. You’ll become a more flexible employee because you can easily move cities for your job.

150. You can play whatever type of music you like in the car without complaints.

151. Never have to make the terrible choice between cruise ship or all-inclusive resort.

152. You can fall asleep whenever you want not have to wait up for someone.

153. You don’t have to tell someone you’re not in the mood when you’re not in the mood.

154. You don’t have to worry about someone going through your phone and reading your texts.

155. Your roommate will love you more because you won’t have to worry about keeping the noise levels low.

156. You don’t have to worry about them seeing old nudes from exes on your phone.

157. You don’t have to choose which family to stay with at Christmas.

158. That cute barista you’ve been keeping your eye on is now available.

159. You can read whatever you want without someone complaining it isn’t a good book.

160. You don’t have to deal with finding someone else’s toenail clippings in the bathroom rug.

161. You don’t have to deal with any weird fetishes they have.

162. You can talk to yourself without someone else thinking you’re crazy.

163. You won’t be sleeping with someone without being married if you’re religious.

164. You don’t have to pretend you like their annoying friends who don’t understand hygiene.

165. You can go to the shelter and adopt a pet without consulting a single soul.

166. You don’t have to feel like you owe them something when they do something nice for you.

167. You don’t have to apologize for your views and speaking your mind.

168. You don’t have to question whether you really love the person you’re with.

169. You can set the thermostat to as warm or cold as you want.

170. You only have to clean up your own messes. Not other people’s.

171. You don’t have to do damage control and apologize for your partner’s mistakes.

172. You don’t have to lose your dignity if they mess up and you take them back.

173. You don’t have to make excuses to yourself about why you’re settling.

174. No one is going to eat your left-over pasta you were saving for drunk food.

175. Crazy old cat ladies are suddenly a lot cooler. It seems awesome.

176. You don’t have to hide your stash of chocolate to avoid shame and theft.

177. You can eat in bed without worrying about leaving a mess when they come home.

178. You don’t have to buy anything for the home you disagree with. All the decorations will be 100% yours.

179. You don’t take on their financial debt. You paid yours off, let them do the same.

180. You receive more financial aid if you’re a single parent (and less headaches.)

181. Your kids get two Christmases and two birthdays. Two of everything really. Think of the children!

182. If you’re not meant to be together and fight all the time, your kids will be happier with you apart.

183. You don’t have to feel self-conscious with your weight fluctuation.

184. It’s okay to ogle the opposite sex in a bar (but don’t go crazy or be rude.)

185. You don’t have to feel pressure to make more money from anyone (besides yourself.)

186. You don’t have to deal with another person’s mood swings.

187. You don’t have to change your political or religious beliefs for them.

188. You don’t have to drive stepchildren to soccer practice. You didn’t even have them.

189. No one will try to fish compliments from you when they get a haircut.

190. You won’t get nagged to do things you don’t want to do, like call your in-laws or write thank you cards.

191. You won’t lose hearing in one ear from talking on the phone so much during long distance (it’s a thing.)

192. You won’t get in trouble for not answering your friends right away (but you would with a partner.)

193. You can get super drunk without worrying about whether you’ll cheat.

194. You don’t have to look for lost possessions because someone cleaned and moved things around.

195. You can play videogames all night without judgment.

196. You can get a second job and make more money because you don’t have to have dinners with a partner.

197. You don’t have to go out of your way to pick them up from events.

198. You can shower for as long as you want without someone saying you use too much water.

199. You can leave the door open when you shower without worrying about someone trying to join your peaceful bathing.

200. The longer you wait to be with someone great, the better you know yourself when you want to date someone.

201. You’ll give a good example to your kids on waiting for the right one.

202. Stressing about whether your relationship is right for you will ruin your day.

203. You can be as obnoxious at parties as you want without feeling like you’re embarrassing someone.

204. You get to decide exactly how you want to spend your weekend.

205. You get to be the wild friend, not the lame boring friend.

206. You get to feel good about the fact that you chose the single life rather than being with someone not right for you.

207. You can spend as much time shopping as you’d like without a man waiting for you outside.

208. You can spend as much time and money in makeup stores as you want.

209. You get to choose your own movie snacks, especially if you’re the one sneaking them in with a purse.

210. You can be on your phone for as long as you want without someone telling you to put it down.

211. You can check your phone at dinner without someone telling you to focus on the moment.

212. You can get girlie magazines without being made fun of for them.

213. You can talk about feminist issues without your man thinking you’re a crazy feminist.

214. You can go to the weirdest hipster coffee shops that your ex would never dream of entering.

215. You don’t have to feel like you owe them something for them being with you.

216. You can eat fast food after drinking without worrying about being naked later.

217. You can have an after party with your friends without someone whispering, “we should go to bed.”

218. You don’t have to apologize for getting too drunk and forgetting the night.

219. You don’t have to apologize for drunk fights you don’t remember.

220. You can blush when other men catch your eye without feeling ashamed.

221. You don’t have to act like a lady all the time if your man expects this.

222. You don’t have to play dumb to make your boyfriend feel smarter.

223. You don’t have to be ashamed of how much money you make if it’s more than your man.

224. You don’t have to build him up and compensate for his own insecurities.

225. You get do a walk of shame (fame) home after hooking up with a new hot guy.

226. You get to gossip with your friends about the new men you meet.

227. You get to tell the dirty details to your friends after hooking up (they wouldn’t care if it’s just your boyfriend.)

228. If you run into friends and want to get lunch, you don’t have to cancel boyfriend plans and cause a fight.

229. You get to park anywhere you want without someone complaining.

230. You get to drive without a backseat driver saying you’re a bad driver and you suck at driving.

231. No more sucking in your fat lying on the couch together.

232. You don’t have to listen to another person fart/snore all night.

233. Apply a thick layer of moisturizer before bed your boyfriend would wipe off from making out.

234. Apply as much pimple cream as you want without worrying about how you look.

235. Wear your mouth guard or retainer without judgment.

236. Wear your ugliest, comfiest pajamas instead of cute lingerie to bed.

237. You don’t have to worry about snoring and waking your partner up.

238. You can throw up after a night out of drinking without feeling self-conscious.

239. You can take off every spec of makeup after going out without feeling self-conscious.

240. You can wear your hair in an oil mask at night without judgment.

241. You can cover your body in coconut oil to have soft skin without getting it on anyone.

242. You can blow your nose in the middle of the night without waking someone up.

243. You can take as long as you want on the toilet without feeling like you’re taking too long.

244. You don’t have to worry about the bathroom smelling bad after you go number two.

245. You can fart in bed as much as you want. The dream.

246. You can do stretches before bed without someone telling you to hurry up and cuddle.

247. You can take your bra off when you get home without feeling inappropriate.

248. You can put as much butter on your toast as you want without judgement.

249. You can listen to a show as you fall asleep instead of listening to the sound of their breath.

250. You can sleep in as long as you want after going out without someone telling you it’s time to get up.

251. You can eat peanut butter on a spoon and watch a romcom by yourself.

252. You don’t have to explain your sexual history to anyone.

253. Wear your pajamas all day without feeling like a slob.

254. Watch a TV show while on your phone without someone telling you to pay attention.

255. You don’t have to feel pressure to watch baseball. I know, it’s so boring.

256. You won’t feel pressured to cuddle when you don’t feel like it.

257. You can dress as slutty as you want without your boyfriend being concerned.

258. Dance however you want, with whoever you want without a boyfriend getting jealous.

259. You can dance to Single Ladies by Beyoncé without getting a weird look from your partner.

260. Flirt with the hot bartender without feeling bad.

261. Wingman your single friends easily without having to explain you have a partner.

262. Let people hit on you for as long as you want because you don’t have a partner.

263. Get free drinks from people at the bar without feeling guilty for hiding your relationship status.

264. You can snort when you laugh without seeming unladylike.

265. You don’t have to explain women’s issues to someone who doesn’t care to understand them.

266. You don’t have to defend your crazy friends when you all go out together.

267. You don’t have to be quiet at night when you come home so you don’t wake anyone up.

268. You can invite friends over and have an afterparty without anyone trying to sleep.

269. You don’t have to be quiet in the mornings. Play some loud music!

270. You can wear Spanx without feeling ashamed when you take off your dress at the end of the night.

271. You don’t have to make-out with anyone with morning breath.

272. You don’t have to rush to the bathroom to make sure you look okay in the morning.

273. You don’t have to worry about drooling on anyone in your sleep.

274. You get to gain your self-confidence back, especially after being with someone who puts you down.

275. You can creep your exes without worrying about your boyfriend seeing your phone history.

276. You can follow hot people you find on social media with no guilt.

277. You can get out of your relationship bubble and be open to new things.

278. You don’t have to choose between Friday night dinner with the in-laws, or seeing your friends.

279. You can experiment with your style freely without your partner wondering if it’s a midlife crisis.

280. You can put up twinkling lights in your bedroom without someone telling you they’re stupid.

281. You can wear a crazy looking facemask without freaking out your partner. (Maybe just the pizza guy.)

282. You don’t have to pretend to laugh at your partner’s unfunny jokes.

283. You don’t have to help him pick out an outfit that matches as if he’s never seen colors before.

284. You don’t have to feel embarrassed if he wears blue and green together.

285. You get to have those going out butterflies where you don’t know who you’re going to meet in the club.

286. You don’t have to worry about buying your partner presents, which is a difficult challenge sometimes.

287. You don’t have to worry about the type of shoes he’ll wear out.

288. You don’t have to have awkward dinners with his family where they quiz you on everything.

289. You never have to watch any T.V. that has to do with cars or bikes.

290. You don’t have to walk around thinking you’re a cute couple when everyone thinks you’re the worst.

291. You never have to worry about showing too much PDA (public displays of affection.)

292. Your sex life doesn’t fall into a trap of comfortable vanilla dullness.

293. You can watch reality T.V. like the Bachelor and Real Housewives without being judged.

294. You can keep alcohol around the house without worrying he’ll drink it.

295. You don’t have to host him and his friends’ Superbowl parties.

296. You never have to do someone else’s laundry.

297. You get to dance around the bar and make him jealous because he knows what he lost.

298. You don’t have to stand up straight all the time. You get to slouch whenever you want and let loose.

299. You don’t have to deal with anyone being grossed out by your period, tampons, and pads.

300. You don’t have to wear G-string thongs if you don’t feel like it. Granny panties for life.

…and that’s it.

Hopefully these are enough reasons to convince you that being single is okay.

If you still desperately want a partner, then try joining some clubs or groups. Meeting people online is never as good as meeting them in the wild.

Plenty of fish? More like plenty of weirdos.

Good luck. - EB