After Vaccine Mandates, Truckers Plan to Focus on Seat Belts and Turn Signals
Now that the obnoxious honking has stopped in downtown Ottawa, it has been possible to hit the streets and interview some residents as well as some truckers. While the occupiers don’t plan on leaving anytime soon, the situation is at least stable.
We spoke to Larry Summers, a 92-year-old resident of Centertown who said, “Last week we were pretty close to violence, but now that it’s quiet, I don’t really give a hoot about them anymore. It’s just a bunch of losers parked in the middle of the street.”
But truckers say they have no plans of leaving. While their demands seem to fluctuate based on media attention, and the advice from their lawyers that some demands might be treasonous, truckers are unified in their belief that all mandates should be dropped.
Some truckers, like Glen Anderson of Manitoba, don’t plan on leaving until most of the criminal code has been deleted. “Seatbelts are ridiculous,” he said. “We’ll go after those next. There’s no evidence seatbelts have ever saved anyone.”
When shown a few studies backed up with decades of evidence, Glen declared this to be fake news. “Don’t even get me started on brake lights. Or turn signals.”
Turn signals seemed to annoy him the most. His arms and face were shaking he was so upset. Glen spat on to the unsalted icy sidewalk. “Turn signals are ridiculous. As if the guy behind me has any business knowing which way I’m going. This is a free country, gorammit. I might go left, I might go right. It’s none of anyone’s business where I’m going. They don’t have a turn signal for going straight do they? So why should the government force us to click a little lever every two minutes. It’s fascism and I won’t stand for it anymore.”
Glen leans in close, and his voice drops as he tells me, “You know there used to be turn signal for going straight but you know who got rid of don’t you?”
“Rational people?”
Glen slips on the icy sidewalk but manages to grab my arm before breaking his ankle. “No, dingleberry, big pharma. Big pharma killed the straight signal. Pfizer, Moderna. They’ve got their dongs in everything. They’ve still got their dongs out for that big gorilla that died a few years ago. Hamburglar or whatever his name was.”
I wished Glen a happy occupation and we parted ways.
(Thanks for reading and don’t forget to follow us on Twitter. In case it wasn’t obvious, this article was satire.)
