Canada introduces Ottawa Occupation Recovery Benefit
The Government of Canada has begun to take action to help Canadians and businesses facing hardship due to the Freedom Convoy 2022 protest. Since outright enforcement of the law is off the table (for now), the Trudeau administration will be throwing cash at people.
To support workers and help businesses keep their employees, the government has proposed legislation to establish the Canada Occupation Response Benefit (OORB). This taxable benefit would provide $2,069 a month for up to 24 months (the expected time it will take to end the protests according to Ottawa Police Services) for workers who lose their income as a result of protests involving large vehicles.
The OORB would cover Canadians who have lost their job or have gotten Covid-19 from the unwashed and unvaccinated protesters, as well as working parents who must stay home without pay to care for children who are stuck at home because protestors are blocking roads or picketing their school.
The EI system was not designed to process the unprecedented high volume of applications due to the indefinite closure of the Rideau Centre. Given this situation, all Canadians (except convoy members) who have stopped working due to trucker temper tantrums, whether they are EI-eligible or not, would be able to receive the OORB to ensure they have timely access to the income support they need to organize and attend counter-protests.
“While the mayor of Ottawa seems to think that counter protesting is bad,” says a government official who spoke under the condition anonymity, “we believe this is not the case. The Ottawa police services have shown themselves to be either inept or complicit in this occupation. It’s time for the citizens of Ottawa to take their city back, and that’s why we’re introducing this benefit. Off the record here, we’re really hoping to replace the entire Ottawa police force with former Rideau Centre staff. It would save the city a lot of money and the force would look fabulous.”
(Thanks for reading and don’t forget to follow us on Twitter. In case it wasn’t obvious, this article was satire.)
